The Adventures of Mike

Skit 7:

*Convenience store*
Mike: Let's see...batteries, check. Ice cream, check. Bottle caps, check. Pepsi Blue, check. Looks like I got everything.
*Two people appear in front of Mike suddenly*
Mike: Eh!? Who...who are you?!
Guy with long red hair: To protect the world from devastation!
Girl with short black hair: To unite all people within our nation!
Guy: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
Girl: To extend our reach to the stars above!
Guy: KITSUNE!!
Girl: OAKAMI-CHAN!!
Mike: The hell?
Kitsune: Blast off at the speed of light!
Oakami: Surrender now, or prepare to fight!
Ruri: Nyan. Rivers turn me on.
*Ruri leaves*
Kitsune: HA HA! We are here to stop you and dominate this store!
Oakami: That's right! Magical Touch! Miracle Light! TOUGA!
*Oakami pokes Mike*
Mike: Ah! What the hell?!
Oakami: Tee hee! Eh?
Kitsune: Special technique: Zeta Pounce!
*Kitsune pounces Oakami*
Oakami: Kya!! Okay okay, get off.
Kitsune: Okay...*points at Mike* So hand over your shard!
Mike: My shard?
Kitsune: Your shard of the Shikon no Tama!
Mike: The turtle gem?
Kitsune: It's not a turtle gem!
Mike: ...right...can I go now?
Oakami: Touga!
*duck falls from the ceiling and rushes off to sell insurance*
Kitsune: Okay! You may have won this round! BUT WE'LL BE BACK!
*Throws a smoke grenade on the ground. It explodes and the two are surrounded by smoke. Then the smoke clears*
Kitsune: Dammit! I forgot we had to run!
*they run off*
Mike: ...Weird.
*In a secret lair, Kitsune and Oakami stand in front of a shadowed figure*
Oakami and Kitsune: HAIL ILAPALLAZZO!
Oakami: -ZZO!
Female voice from the shadows in front of them: I am not Illapara...how was the mission?
Oakami: Touga!
Female voice: I see...then you are dismissed! But before you go! Kitsune, you will take that glass of water by your left foot and pour it down the ramp in front of me.
*Kitsune complies*
Female voice: Ahh....good...very good...okay, you may go!
Oakami and Kitsune: Yes sir!

Skit 7: Introduce New Characters:
....marginal success!

Skit 8:

*Mike and Ayu-chan are in the park*
Mike: So...there was something you wanted to talk about?
Ayu: Ano...hai...Mike-san...dai-
*John rides in on a bike*
John: Hey! It's Mike and the Mexican girl!
Mike: She's not Mexican...
Ayu: Nihonjin!
John: Whatever, I don't understand Spanish! I mean, err, No Lo Comprendo!
Mike: ...
Ayu: Baka...
John: You're welcome! Well, see ya!
*John leaves*
Mike: Sigh, he'll never learn, so then. You were saying something Ayu?
*flowers start to fall in the background and the camera moves closer, pushing Mike and Ayu slightly out of the scene. Barry White music begins to play*
Ayu: H-hai...atashi...anatawa....aish-
*two figures jump out of the lake*
Kitsune: If a chick cannot break its shell, then it will die without being born!
Oakami: We are the chick! The world is our shell! Smash the shell of the world!
Kitsune and Oakami: FOR WORLD REVOLUTION!
Ayu: Eh?
Mike: Dammit, not again...
Ayu: *giggle* Dare da? Touga-san? Juri-san?
*Ayu bursts out laughing*
Kitsune: Hey! You can't laugh at our well planned entrance!
Oakami: Touga!
*pokes Ayu*
Ayu: Eh? Nani?
Oakami: Touga!
*pokes Ayu*
Ayu: Ha...ha....shuushi.
Oakami: Touga!
*pokes Ayu*
Ayu: SHUU~SHI!
*Ayu begins running away*
Oakami: TOU~GA!
*chases Ayu*
Kitsune: Ha! We have disbanded your party! Now separate, you will be destroyed!
Mike: The hell are you talking about?
Kitsune: It doesn't matter!
*points index finger at Mike with thumb pointing up* SPIRIT GUN!
*silence*
*Ayu runs by with Oakami tailing her closely screaming Touga*
*silence*
Mike: Well?
Kitsune: It doesn't matter! You will die anyways!
*suddenly a symphonic orchestra appears from the lake and begins playing*
Choir: Turtleneck sweatshirt!
Kitsune: Feel my wrath!
*Kitsune leaps at Mike, who steps to the side, letting Kitsune fall face first into the ground*
Kitsune: Damn you! Double Theta Pounce!
*Kitsune continues to pounce at Mike who keeps moving as the choir sings on*
Choir: Dishwashing liquid! Venn diagram! Hippopotamus! Uber-uber-wa~i!
*Kitsune jumps at Mike who moves once more, causing Kitsune to fall into the lake*
Mike: CRAP! Hey! Don't drown!
*Ayu runs by again with an Oakami UFO catcher tied to her right foot screaming Touga*
*Kitsune emerges from the lake in a panda outfit*
Kitsune: Ha! Because I fell into the cold water, I have become a PANDA! My strength has been improved by 3x! Now you will die!
Mike: Eh?!
*silence*
Mike: Well?
Kitsune: The wet panda fur is too heavy. I can't move.
*Oakami walks in*
Oakami: Touga!
*pokes Kitsune*
*Kitsune begins to fall backwards into the lake*
Kitsune: You may have won this time! But we'll be back!
*Kitsune falls into the lake*
Oakami: Touga!
*Jumps into the lake*
Mike: ...okay...
*Ayu walks up to Mike*
Ayu: Tadaima.
Mike: Eh? Oh, hi. Uh...where were we?
Ayu: Ah....feh
Mike: *shrugs*
*Back at the evil lair*
Kitsune: I'm sorry Hell Mishima, we have failed again.
Female voice: ...
Oakami: *disheartfully* Touga...
Female voice: ...oh well. But you've got your titles wrong. I'm not Hell Mishima, I'm...well, it's not important now. You are dismissed! But before you go! I want you to push those two switches.
*Kitsune and Oakami comply*
*water rushes along the sides of the room*
Female voice: Ahhhhhh...yes. You may go.
Skit 8: Park side confession
....failed!
*John rides his bike back to his home*
John: Ahh, that was fun...eh? Who's that at my house?
*There are several armed guards outside John's house*
John: Excuse me, who are you?
Guard: We are the new occupants of this house.
John: New....occupants?
Guard: Yes, we were walking through the streets, and when we got here, the family gave us the house and left.
John: But...no...My BRITANY SPEARS CDs are still in there! Let me in!
Guard: Hey kid! Stop it!
*A man comes out of the house and eyes John carefully*
Man: Who dares disturb the meeting of the Mexican army?
John: Mexicans...
*John jumps at the man*
Guard: No! You fool!
*Fires his submachine gun at John*
John's screams in the night: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*a large mushroom cloud rises from John's house*

Skit 9:

Babbit: Hi! I'm Babbit! The new mascot! Let's hurry and start the recap!
Someone off stage: But nothing important happened last time!
Babbit: Shut up! Roll the film!
*Kitsune, Oakami and Mike are in the convenience store*
Oakami: Magical Touch! Miracle Light! Touga! *Pokes Mike*
*In the park*
Kitsune: Double Theta Pounce!
*In the evil lair*
Female voice: Ahh...yes.
*Mushroom cloud over the city skyline*
John: NOOOOO!
Babbit: Alright! Episode nine switch on!
*In a video arcade*
Babbit: Ah! It's D and Ayu!
Doujin Girl: So, what's so important Ayu?
Ayu: Eto.....Maiku...Daiski...
Babbit: WHA?!
Doujin Girl: What?
*Death glare*
Ayu: U...uguu....
*Kitsune pops out of a nearby trash can with Oakami*
Kitsune: ICCHAN GO BOOM!
Oakami: Touga!
Doujin Girl and Ayu: ...
Babbit: I'm getting out of here!
*Mike is walking home*
Mike: Ahhh! It's so nice out!
Babbit: Almost like nothing could go wrong huh?
Mike: ...
Babbit: ...
Mike: Who the hell are-
*Doujin Girl glomps Mike from behind*
Mike: Kyaah! D! What are you doing?!
Doujin Girl: Trying to sexually entice you.
Mike: Well stop! Weren't you supposed to be getting lunch or something with Ayu?
Douijn Girl: Mmm, well, we were, but then she was kidnapped.
Mike: Kidnapped!?
Doujin Girl: Yep! *Smiles*
Mike: We've got to save her! With all your built-in weapons, it should be easy!
Babbit: YEAH! GO MIKE! RAMBO SAVE HER!
Doujin Girl: No way!
Mike: Eh?! But why not?!
Babbit: Yeah! Why not?!
Doujin Girl: Ayu said she had a crush on you. I won't help the competition!
Mike: WHA?! Ayu-chan...has a crush on me?
*Mike visualizes scenes and gets a nosebleed*
Babbit: Hey, no Hentai thoughts.
Mike: Wait, so, then you won't help?
Doujin Girl: Nope!
Mike: It'll make me REALLY happy with you if you help...
Doujin Girl: Oh! Then I'll do it!
Babbit: That's just wrong...
*Kitsune appears with Oakami*
Kitsune: Ha! There will be no ultimate robot of hentai death for you! Ohkami-chan! Use your capture pounce attack I taught you!
Oakami: Wheee!
*pounces Doujin Girl*
*Both teleport away*
Kitsune: Hahaha! We have your girlfriend AND your robot!
Mike: Girlfriend? I don't have a girlfriend.
Kitsune: The Japanese girl.
Mike: Ayu!
Kitsune: Ah ha ha ha! All your friends are belong to us!
Babbit: He'd better run before I find my gun...
*Kitsune begins to fade out while laughing maniacally*
Mike: Dammit, How am I gonna rescue Ayu all by myself?
Mad Scientist: Don't you mean Ayu AND Doujinshi Girl?
Mike: No, I have no desire to rescue a robot that would like nothing more than to rape me. Ahh! HEY! Where'd you come from!?
Babbit: Uhm..Mike...isn't that a good thing?
Other babbit that magically appears wearing a hat: FREAK!
*Other babbit that appeared magically and was wearing a hat vanishes*
Mad Scientist: I've been working on a way to fix Doujinshi Girl!
Mike: OH! I remember you now! You're the mad scientist from skit 1!
Mad Scientist: I'm glad you asked!
Mike: You aren't listening to me, are you?
Mad Scientist: So I contacted 3J to help you out!
Mike: Eh? 3J? I thought he was exiled to Florida for indecent exposure of an Intel 4 chip at a Gateway Country store.
Mad Scientist: He was! Which is why his apprentice n00b is here instead!
*n00b appears*
n00b: \n/ |_|7 |_| j0 f00?
Babbit: Ah! Bad leet! Hrmph, I'll translate it then! *eyes reflect light* "What is going on good friend?"
Mike: Just shoot me now why don't you...
n00b: |)|\|'t b L1ek 7|-|47!
Babbit: "Don't say such pessimistic things."
n00b: |)|_||>3, \/\/u7 15 \/\// t3h b47?
Babbit: "I admire the Babbit's fluffy coat."
Mike: Oh well...I bet that if we manage to rescue Ayu...she'll reward me...heh...
*Mike's fantasy world*
Ayu: Mike-sama...
Mike: Ayu-chan...
Ayu: Mike-sama...
Mike: Ayu-chan...
Ayu: Here's your hamburger...
Mike: Thank you Ayu...
*End of Mike's fantasy world*
Mike: Heh...heh...right! Let's go save Ayu!
Blonde Girl: OHOHOHO! Don't make another move James!
Mike: For the last time! My name is Mike! Eh?! When did you get here?!
Blonde Girl: Wait! You aren't James...YOU'RE EKIM! LET'S GO KICKASS!!
*Blonde Girl pulls out a chain gun*
Mike: I give up...let's go.
n00b: W00t!
Babbit: "Yes, let's.
Narrator: And so they started on a path to our ultimate destruction...
*The evil lair*
Female voice: Will someone shut them up?
Doujin Girl: GET BACK HERE YOU SLUT!
*Doujin chases Ayu around their jail cell*
Ayu: KYAAH! TASKUETE!
Kitsune: Ha! I have no 2s! Go fish!
Oakami: Touga....
Female voice: Good help is so hard to find...
Skit 9: Way too much exposition, not enough action, and what the hell was with Mike's fantasy? Couldn't it just have been more, realistic? I mean, a hamburger? Come on! Go for the pancakes! Sigh, dumbass
.......failed!
*Mike's party is walking down the street*
Mike: Hmmm...maybe I should've invited John....nah, he would just bitch about Mexicans.
*Elsewhere* John: W-wha? I'm alive?
*flashback*
Guard: No! You fool!
*fires his submachine gun at the house, hitting John's stockpile of ammunition he was saving to attack Mexico with, and creating a giant explosion. John is propelled into the sky with obligatory sparkle*
John: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*end flashback*
John: So then where am I?
*a door opens and a man in uniform walks in*
Man: You okay?
John: Uh, yeah, where am I?
Man: On space ship.
John: Space ship?! SWEET! Let's go to the bridge!
*Man and John enter the bridge*
Captain: It's you.
John: Eh?
*Notices a green man with a tall hat on the screen in front of him*
Catz: How are you gentlemen? All your base are belong to us.
Captain: What you say?
Catz: You have no time to survive. Make your time. Ha. Ha. Ha.
John: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*the ship implodes*


What the hell?! A 'PART I'?! Where's the rest?! The rest is Skit 10. Which was 20 handwritten pages. Therefore, it gets it's own page, and translation notes.
Didn't understand it at all? Oh well. Try reading it again.
Didn't understand a reference? Or what something was? Check the Translation Notes for this section!
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©2003 Naze Nani Productions; Michael Reichelt. Leagal blah blah blah, I don't really know what goes here, just make it up for yourselves. Just know that if you use something from here without my permission that I will purchase rabid dogs and they will eat you gladly. Misu Vena Hanna Hanna Ha.