The Adventures of Mike

Skit 10:

Babbit: Welcome to the 10th Skit! Because it is # 10, this is the Super Duper 10th Skit Mega Skit! I'm boradcasting here from the secret lair! Where Oakami and Kitsune and the Female voice are holding their captives, Ayu and Doujin Girl!
John: AAAAAAH!*John lands on Babbit*
*Kitsune appears behind John*
John: Ah, geez....what next?
Kitsune: ARCHANGEL'S HEAVENLY DESIGN CAPTURING POUNCE! +1!
*Kitsune pounces John*
*Back to Mike*
Mike: It sounded like a good idea but...where do we start looking for them?
n00b: 1 \/\/4n7 5um M7n. |>3W!
Blonde Girl: Ohohohoho!
Mike: Sigh, I don't have a chance in hell...eh? Hey look! It's a sign! It says..."Secret Lair"...works for me.
*Mike and co. enter*
Voice: Stop right there!
Mike: EH?!
*A spotlight shines on Oakami at the other side of the room. She is wearing a Sailor Fuku*
Oakami: You seek to free your friends! And I just can't let that happen! For I am here to right wrongs and triumph over evil! I am Sailor Wolfie! And on behalf of the moon, I shall poke-PUNISH you!
*Kitsune walks in dressed as a white cat*
Kitsune: Nyan!...and stuff.
n00b: 7|-|15 m|_|5t b3 a 7es7 0f |\/|4 l33t sk111z!
Kitsune: Talking cat pounce!
n00b: ph33r m4 l33t sk1llz!
Kitsune: Kya! Bad use of l33t! Flee! Flee!
*Exunt Kitsune*
n00b: w00t! |\|0\/\/ 4 teh chixx0r!
Oakami: ...
n00b: w00t! sp34chl355 in ph33r!
Oakami: ...can I say something?
Mike: Eh? Uh...sure...
Oakami: *turns to camera* Listen up Mike! If you thought you could make me a bad sialor moon parody then you were fucking insane. I swear, some day I'm going to get out of this skit and kick your ass! 'Cause I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep and so god help me, your mother will cry when she sees what I've done to you! So you'd better start carrying a weapon and watching your back, because I will be coming after YOU.
Mike: Who are you talking to?
Oakami: *turning back to our heroes* The fourth wall.*Smiles* Now then, MAGICAL PRETTY POKE HEART BUBBLE WITH 20% MORE SPARKLES UBER MECHA TAMAGO ULTIMATE TOUGA ATTACK!
*abundance of pink and sparkles blinds Mike and Co.*
Mike and Co.: Arrugh!
*small pink bunnies hop toward n00b and poke him, causing n00b to grow bunny ears*
n00b: 4Rr|_|6|-|!
*n00b falls*
Oakami: Now, I'm getting out of this ridiculous outfit...*walks off to the next room*
*Mike and the Blonde Girl huddle around n00b*
Blonde Girl: Rebecca...we knew you well...
Mike: ....I'm not really touched...
*Blonde Girl and Mike begin to walk away when the Pokemon evolution music starts playing*
Mike: No way! n00b is...evolving?
*n00b evolved to 'wannabe haxxor'*
Wannabe haxxor: Ouch, my head...
Mike: You're alive!
Blonde Girl: Rebecca! You've come back to me!
Wannabe haxxor: Ugh..of course! I can't die if I want to be a long term character!
*group laugh*
Mike: Right then, let's go on to the next room!
*they enter the room. As soon as they enter, Wannabe haxxor is hit by a stream of 1s and 0s. Wannabe haxxor turns into an item used for hacking into new areas*
Mike: *gasp* He was data drained!
*Oakami appears*
Oakami: Fu! Fu! Fu! I like cosplaying as Aura much better than Sailor Moon!
*Kitsune appears as Tsukasa*
Kitsune: Ha ha! I can't log out!
Mike: This is just...sad...
Kitsune: Feel my wrath! WINDOWS DNS ERROR 003491:Q POUNCE!
Oakami: No! I was just about to fire my data drain!
*Kitsune pounces at Mike but is hit by the data drain instead and becomes a Noble Grunty*
*Silence*
Kitsune: ...I'm gonna be back! *waddles off to the next room*
Oakami: Dammit! Why am I always alone?! Oh well, I'LL DATA DRAIN BOTH OF YOU!
Mike: Gasp!
Blonde Girl: Stand back Anthony! I think I've found her weakness! And I've formulated a brilliant plan to stop her that will make you and all our readers wish that they had thought of it first!
*back at the holding cell*
Doujin Girl: Taskuete THIS!
Ayu: Kyaaa!
John: WHY AM I HERE?!
*Back to Mike and Blonde Girl*
Mike: Wow. That was amazing. But let's hope we don't have to do something that desperate ever again.
Blonde Girl: Yes Gendo...let's hope not.
Oakami: Geez! My appendix hurts!
*Mike and Blonde Girl move to the next room*
*Kitsune is in a red dress and Oakami is in a tuxuedo*
Mike: *points at Oakami* BUT WE JUST BEAT YOU!
Oakami: Don't point out plot holes!
Mike: But it was so obvious!*looks at Kitsune* AND WHY IS HE IN A DRESS?!
Kitsune: It is required for the duel.
Blonde Girl: I'll fight you Janice!
Oakami: No! I will duel only him! *points at Mike*
Mike: Wha?! But, I don't have a sword!
Oakami: Fu fu fu! Too bad then!
*Oakami grabs Kitsune*
Kitsune: Rose of the noble castle. Power of Dios that sleeps within me, Heed your master and come forth!
*Oakami pulls the Sword of Dios out of Kitsune*
Oakami: Grant me the power to bring world revolution!
*bells ring in distance*
*A choir out of sight starts singing*
Choir: Celestial age. Prehistoric Sea. Erosion. Accumulation.
Mike: ...shit.
Blonde Girl: PLUM! TAKE THIS!
*Blonde Girl tosses Mike a sword hilt*
Blonde Girl: I found it at a Shinto shrine near a demoness' sleeping ground!
Mike: WHA?! Don't they need it then?!
Blonde Girl: Which is more important right now!? Us or them?!
*Meanwhile in Osaka*
Tenchi: Eh?! The legendary sword isn't here...grandpa must be using it to open sake bottles again...
*Back to the action!*
*Mike grips the sword hilt, which causes a light sword to form*
Oakami: Your light tricks will do nothing! Rose groom! Surrender yourself to protect the sword!
Kitsune: Do I have to?
Oakami: YES!
Kitsune: Oh, all right...
*Kitsune's body goes limp and the sword of Dios sparkles red*
Oakami: HA HA! *Runs at Mike who blocks with his sword*
Choir: 3 billion years. The birth of Life. The age of land. DNA. Molecules. Bacteria. Colony Life. Triassiac. Jurassiac. Cretatous.
*Oakami brings her sword down on Mike's. The sword of dios breaks*
*Oakami falls to the ground as bells ring in the distance*
Oakami: How?! How could I lose?
Mike: What do you mean?! It was metal vs. a freaking lightsaber! Of course you'll lose!! Screw it. Next room. Geez, I swear if we reference Utena again, it'll be too soon...
*In the next room*
*Kitsune and Oakami have guns*
Oakami: We have no choice. ULTIMATE PUNISHMENT! GUNS!
Mike: Damn!
Oakami: Fu fu fu! We have won at last!
Kitsune: Eh?! OAKAMI! ELEPHANTS!
*Herd of elephants trample Kitsune and Oakami*
Mike: How sad...
Oakami: That's it! I'm going to as for prision duty! This is just getting annoying! *Oakami leaves*
Kitsune: Uguu...
Mike: Looks like we got lucky again...
Blonde Girl: Eh? Clarence, do you hear a sound?
Mike: Like what?
Blonde Girl: It sounds like...a delorian?
*in a flash of light, a delorian with engines on the back runs over Blonde Girl and stops several feet away*
Mike: Ah!...That blonde girl!
*a grey haired guy in a lab coat gets out of the driver's seat*
Doc: Great scott! I've run over someone while time traveling! I'd better get back to 1986 and see if anything has changed! Maybe my toaster oven will work now!
*the delorian drives off in a flash of light*
Mike: Dammit, this is fucked up...
*next room*
*there is an eva*
Kitsune: Ha! I have and evangelion! You cannot survive!
Mike: Dammit...
*Five minutes later, next room*
*Kitsune throws $20 bills which stick into the walls*
Kitsune: Ha! I am, ZA PAYPAH!
*Five minutes later, next room*
Kitsune: I am the new Shining Generation Valkerie!
*Five minutes later, next room*
Kitsune: Natural Magical Princess Mammy!
*Five minutes later, next room*
Kitsune: Oh ho! You will die from my magical seals!
Mike: Is that you? Your hair is all long and black. And what's up with the white robe! You could pass for a girl!
Kitsune: I AM A SORCERER HUNTER!
Mike: ....
*Five minutes later*
Kitsune: Are you done laughing yet?
*Five minutes later, next room*
Kitsune: It's powerful, it's strong and deadly, the red dragon...
*Five minutes later, next room*
Kitsune: Ha! I am "Bob the Builder!" You shall be...uh...disassembled!
Mike: This is getting old...
*back to the prision cell*
John: Will they ever shut up?
Doujin Girl: DIE!
Ayu: TASKUETE!
John: How am I supposed to understand what's going on?!
Voice with spanish accent: It's okay, I'lll help you out. I've been in your position before, more or less...
John: Thanks, I- EH!? Who are you?!
*an overly tan mexician man is there, sporting a purple muscle shirt and brown baggy jeans*
Pedro: I am Pedro. When the appointed time arrives, you must grow the Afro and perform miraclous acts!
John: Afro?!
Nabeshin: He's right kid, you need to believe in the heart of the Afro!
John: Who are you and what are you talking about?!*begins mumbling incoherently*
*Ayu and Doujin Girl look at him while sweat dropping*
Doujin Girl: Who is he talking to?
Ayu: Wakaranai...
*Back to mike*
Kitsune: Oro~*Collapses*
Mike: I SWEAR! IF THIS DOESN'T END SOON!
Mike: Eh? Where's Kitsune?
*suddenly a trap door opens up behind Mike*
Mike: Huh?!
Kitsune: UNEXPECTED SHOT ON RUN POUNCE!
*Mike steps to the side sending Kitsune into the pit*
Kitsune: Ah! Darn it! Here's yet another reference to Excel Saga with the very deep pit! I wonder how long it is? I should sing a sogn! De-de-de-ep! Chounga chounga pii!
*Kitsune lands on several Puchuus*
Mike: Ah, perhaps now I can end this and get my reward from Ayu...
*thinks about pancakes*
Mike: YEAH! NEXT ROOM!
*inside the final room, the prision cell is off to the left side with Kitsune and Oakami talking to the female voice in the shadows*
Oakami: I mean LAYTEX?! COME ON!
Female Voice: They're here.
Kitsune: I ache.
MIke: So YOU are the evil ones behind this, and you are the ringleader you...uh...you...who are you?
Female voice: I am...why am I telling you? Oakami, Kitsune! Devise a plan to defeat him!
Oakami: *Jumps up and down* I know! I know! *turns to Kitsune* Combine with me Mr. Alien!
Kitsune: Do WHAT?!
Oakami: I wanna be a crab!
Kitsune: Ah geez...
*Kitsune and Oakami combine inot a pillar of light!*
Female voice: Amazing! Combined together, they are truely amazing and powerful!
Mike: How are you able to stay in the shadows when there's a giant pillar of light infront of us?!
Doujin Girl: Ah! It's becoming a person!
Ayu: Sugoi...
John: N-no way! *In John's head* Could this be the moment?!
*the light fades to reveal...*
Doujin Girl: MY GOD! IT'S!
Mike: The queen of...
Ayu: Honsuu...
Female voice: It's her...
Obana: Obana here.
Mike: ...
Ayu: ...
Doujin Girl: ...
John: ...
Female Voice: ...
Obana: Obana here.
*Mike walks past Obana*
Mike: Geez, so enough games, come on out of the shadows. You're Ruri, aren't you?
Female Voice: EH?!
Mike: Come on! It was so obvious! The water? Rivers turn you on, remember? So come on out.
Female Voice: *snicker* Okay...
*a Jigglypuff comes out of the shadows!*
Mike: ...what the hell?
Jigglypuff: I have fooled you all! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Mike: But...that just can't be!
Jigglypuff: *Holds up a pepsi can* I'm not really a pokemon!
Mike: You're not?!
Jigglypuff: No! I'm really- *Unzips costume* BOB DOLE!
Mike: GASP! No way!
Obana: Obana here.
Bob Dole: And this isn't a pepsi! This is *unzips pepsi bottle* A PEPSI TWIST!
Mike: I'm SO disillusioned!
John: I've had it!
*everyone looks at John*
John: First mexicans take over my house, then I get sent to a ship where people can't speak proper english, THEN I get stuck in this Jail cell where dead people are talking to me and now THIS?! I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
*suddenly an afro bursts out of John's head and a yellow aura surrounds him as the cell is blasted away and Doujin Girl and Ayu run for cover*
John: This is it! *John floats quickly towards Obana and punches her, causing Oakami and Kitsune to fall to the ground unconcious*
Mike: Amazing...what power!
Bob Dole: But it won't be enough!
*Bob Dole becomes constipated and releases from his pants three kidney stones! His body goes limp and the kidney stones merge together to form, RURI!*
Ruri: *To camera* Yes, it was me all along.
*Ruri emits a purple aura and her hair spikes up and turns green!*
Ruri: You fool! I can destroy you! You are nothing compared to the power of MIZUNO HENTAI!
*John and Ruri take turns "powering up" by making more and more consitpiated faces*
Mike: Dammit! At this rate, John won't make it!
Ruri: John! You can't win! I'll give you five seconds to quit!
John: NEVER!
Ruri: 5...4...3...2...1...
John: OR SO YOU THOUGHT! But to achieve more episodes, you will have to start over!
Ruri: *nods* 5...4...3...2...1...0!
*Ruri powers up even more and blows John away through the walls*
Mike: Damn! And we're underground!
Ruri: Now it's just a few little ants...*throws a magic fireball at Mike*
Mike: Ugh...
Ruri: Bwahahaha- EH!?
Mike: I'm a little dangerous...when I absorb magic...
*Mike turns into a giant Minotaur like beast*
Ruri: What:?! NOOOOOO!
*Mike beast roars and smashes at the celing*
Ruri: Oh no! The lair is collapsing around us!
*A brief scene of destruction later, everyone is safely on top of the rubble, standing on...THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA!!*
Mike: *Now a human again* We're in CHINA?! There couldn't have been THAT many rooms!
Ruri: Ugh...d-dammit...so close...but...I lost...
*Ruri collapses in defeat*
Mike: FINALLY! Now me and Ayu can-
Doujin Girl: Oh! I GET IT NOW!
Mike: Urk! *sweatdrops* W-wha?
Doujin Girl: You did all of this for HER and not ME!
Mike: Oh...shit...
Doujin Girl: Well then! *switches to full nuclear destruction mode* IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU, NO ONE CAN!
Mike: KYAHHH!
*Doujin Girl fires every destructive weapon she has. 20 minutes later, all signs of vegetation is gone, and only a few remain alive on the planet...Ayu and Mike stand infront of Kitsune, Oakami, and Ruri, with the deactivated Doujin Girl off to the side*
Mike: *points at Kitsune, Ruri, and Oakami* They are the ones responsible for all of this...hmmm...but since they kidnapped Ayu...she can go first.
*Mike steps back as Ayu pulls out a Katana which reflects the light nicely*
Ayu: Seibai...shite kureru!
Kitsune, Ruri, and Oakami: KYAAAAAH!

Skit 10: Super Duper 10th Skit Mega Skit The World Ending.....SUCCESS!
John: Ugh...did I fail?!...No.....
*John looks around the desolate wasteland*
John: This is horrible...oh! There's a girl over there! Hey! Hey! Are you okay?!
Girl: Ah....
John: Thank you god! Sigh, it looks like we're the last people on this Earth...so, what do you say we repopulate the Earth baby?
Girl:Eh? Yo no comprendo.
John: She's....
Girl: Que?
John: Mexican......NOOOOO!


~Fin Didn't understand it at all? Oh well. Try reading it again.
Didn't understand a reference? Or what something was? Check the Translation Notes for this section!
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©2003 Naze Nani Productions; Michael Reichelt. Leagal blah blah blah, I don't really know what goes here, just make it up for yourselves. Just know that if you use something from here without my permission that I will purchase rabid dogs and they will eat you gladly. Misu Vena Hanna Hanna Ha.